This Happens to Me All the Time

Mimi smartypants names the "best messageboard thread in the history of the world." Gonores begins with an intriguing hypothetical,

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

then focuses it in a realistic manner:

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.

Board contributors thoughtfully explore the details:

Are you allowed to use one the kids to wield at other kids ala a sword?

Mimi is right. This is exactly the sort of thing the internets were invented for. And reality TV.